A while ago, someone asked me why I want to improve at go. I have been thinking about it, and am still thinking about it.
I love the way the game seems to get deeper every single day, even if I sometimes do think back wistfully to when the game still was simple. Making a move used to be so easy, I would just play the first likely move and it was fine. Now I am slowly beginning to realize that every move affects a lot of stones on the board, and I am starting to see that my opponent might not always follow my plans. Sometimes he even has a plan of his own! The fiend!
I love the way the stones sometimes flow just the right way. Mind you, this doesn't happen very often, usually they seem to be placed very awkwardly. But once in a while, I do have a game which I feel good about, where the stones fall into the right place, almost by themselves. There is a good flow to the game. I want to increase the number of games where that does happen.
I love the intellectual challenge I get from trying to improve my go game. Improving is not trivial at all, I had NO clue at all about how hard this road would be. Yes, I am enjoying every step on this road, but I will not say that this road is easy at all. When I first got back into go, I had no idea how badly this would consume me, how hyperfocused I would get on this game. And even after working hard for quite a while, I still feel very, very weak at go.
I love the sense of history I get when replaying and studying old games, and when reading about go players long ago. This drives me to improve myself as to get closer to their mastery. My go would be awesome if it would be only half as good as the old go masters.
Still, none of those reasons seem to be why I want to improve in go. I do know that the drive is there, very, very strongly. I cannot stand still, I have to play, study, do tsumego, and get stronger, there is no other option. After thinking about my reasons for a long time, I can only explain my quest for strength in George Mallory's words 'Because it's there.'.
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3 comments:
I agree. I've found that the stronger I get, the less I know. Making dan made me realise how bad I'm at the game, but that is a good thing. As I improve, the game becomes even more beautiful.
As for addiction, it should be illegal ;)
I have just started on the journey of GO. But at 59yrs I can only admire from afar those who have made Shodan...for me my Shodan Challenge is to reach 15kyu. As yet my stones do not flow over the goban, more of a stutter :-(
Good answer, good answer, good answer.
(said in tone of Family Feud on TV)
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